Episode 16 - Real Talk with Wa

In today's episode, I'll be sitting down with Wa Waenga, the creator of the Amend Movement. 

We'll be talking about his journey from a troubled life in New Zealand to becoming a spiritual healer and coach. 

Wa Waenga will share with us his personal story, the challenges he faced, and how he found the strength to turn his life around. 

We'll also delve into the creation of the Amend Movement and what Wa Waenga hopes to achieve through his work. 

I hope you enjoy!

Transcript

Sarah 0:02
So today I'd like to introduce you to my first ever guest on the Elated You podcast. Wa from Amend, Wa has been a mentor a brother and now friend to me and to so many men and women around the world. He's helped and impacted my life as well as so many others. And my husband's which has impacted our family's life and the way I show up today. My husband calls him the Maori Jesus... haha, Wa, over to you, thank you so much.
 
Wa 0:34
Morning sis, grateful to be here in the space having a chat. Hopefully people want to listen to what we have to say. And it's really beautiful to hear your words that you share when you say it's impacted your life and your family and the way you shop today. So I'm grateful to hear you share those words.
 
 Sarah 0:54
That's from my heart. And I know I say it all the time, but for me, it was the Amend workshop. So I started with Amend, so Wa is the founder of amend, which is an organization for men and women, do you want to talk a little bit about how perhaps you started and how that came together?
 
Wa 1:14
Yeah, absolutely, so it's a well-being movement, which is focused on self awareness. And what I mean by self awareness is helping people to understand who they are. Where am I thinking, Where am I feeling and when my behavior patterns come from? Do they serve me or do they not serve me? So it's as simple and as basic as that. And I love simplicity and keeping things really simple. How I started is a group of myself and my brothers wanting to be better men. And so it started off as just men and quite quickly moved into us men supporting women as well. And more recently, we've bought you know what our spaces and for men and woman to be together. And my view of that and some of my other brothers views was that what world do we live in where it's just men or just women? Doesn't exist. So yes, there is a time and place for men to have men spaces and women to have women spaces, but there's also a time and place and what we've now integrated is to have men and women together. So yeah, that's that in a nutshell is what we're all about.
 
Sarah 2:19
Yeah, and so and my husband Zein started with you first in Amend because I've done the workshop, a line in the sand with you and Drew but I just want to say that for Zein, and he talks to so many men about the King Warrior, and Wa still holds these programs for men and women and so I really highly recommend if there are any men listening to this podcast or any women to send their men to Wa because I think you're a real example of what a king is, you're a king, and what a man should look like because we've we're wrapped up in his whole macho man. And so men, you know, they get attracted to you when they see your page that you're strong, you're a boxer you're big guy, but at the same time, you're soft, and that polarity I think is so beautiful, and I saw that my husband was able to make massive changes. Just by having you as a coach, someone that is strong, someone that has had a story and a background of you know, I'll let you speak into that, I don't like to speak on anyone else's story but like a bit of violence and you know, whatever it is that you want to talk into today, but it's important that people know a little bit about your background because we come up and we see you now on Instagram, you know living this beautiful life and you know and you do, and you know living your best life and see how limitless you are with all these programs and all the things that you're doing right now, but you had to start somewhere and that you weren't always like this because I've seen the change in my husband. So it's important that people know that you weren't always conscious, I guess, you know, in this manner. Right. Am I right in saying that or?
 
Wa 3:58
Yeah, I think you're very right in saying that. I'm deeply grateful for the lifestyle of today. And that came from me choosing to do the work, and from me choosing to truly understand who I am. Because well now that I truly understand who I am, I get to choose the life that I want to live. You know the relationship that I'm in, the workspace that I am in, who I want to work with, when I want to work, when I don't want to work, that's really empowering to be in that be in this position that I am today. And like you mentioned sis you know I've even in the shortest five years ago, I wasn't living this life of choice life was actually choosing me. And what I mean by this, you know, childhood wounds were actually choosing the life that I wasn't living. And I didn't actually understand or even know that. You know, I grew up in a... I'm grateful for the house that I grew up in the environment that I grew up in, I guess to give some people some context, in the contrast of what I'm doing today is you know, my old man sorted everything out with physical violence. And even, you know, passive violence where he'll just shut off and energetically dominate and control a room or control our household. Sometimes as long as three to four weeks is no talking from him. So still to this day, something that really triggers me is when I enter a space and someone is using passive aggressive behaviors, because it reminds me of my childhood. However, I'm very aware of that now and I'm able to regulate my own emotions through that express and communicate what's actually going on for me. Whereas in the past, you know, again, as little as five years ago that would trigger the fuck out of me, and I'll blow up. When I say blow up. I would literally mirror my dad and do everything that I seen. Everything that I heard and everything that I experienced through him. Yeah, so I guess that's what I'm trying to say like come from a very violent upbringing. I became my dad, and there was a point in time, my life you know, when I was 16 years old, I had my first son, and I realized like, Oh, this is sort of not the dad I want to be was the dad that I had.
 
Sarah 6:18
What was the turning point, like, you are a young dad? 

Wa 6:23 Yeah I was 

Sarah 6:24
Which is already hard enough, and then you've only had this example, you know, growing up, like when was it that you actually went, you know what? I'm going to make a change.
 
Wa 6:33
I think there were like, four or five turning points for me, because it wasn't one turning point where I went from A to B, you know, from black to white. It was like, when I had my son, you know, something shifted. I mean, it slowed me down and had me in a mindset of like, oh, maybe I should start caring about other humans. Maybe I should actually start caring about myself because previous to massage is reckless. When you talk about anyone or anything. You know, and again, that was because I was so hurt. I was a hurt little boy, who turned into a hurt teenager and that remained for quite a lot of my adult life as well. So I would say there's a point there at 16 years old when I had my first son, you know, he was born with retinoblastoma for his cancer in your eyes and brain. 20 years old, I ended up in Goldcoast cancer ward, needing treatment bone marrow transplant. So that was another pivotal moment for me. Where I was like fuck, life is pretty precious. It can be taken away from you like an instantly. I'd say the probably the biggest shift for me was six years ago, when my marriage broke down. And now I look back and reflect as the biggest blessing. Because you know, all I wanted as a little boy was to have someone to actually love me. And I found that and unfortunately, through not understanding how I was, I played in that relationship exactly what I seen my parents, exactly how I see my parents play out our relationship. So when that was that broke down, you know, all of my childhood wounds showed up, you know, on top of grieving the relationship breakdown. And again, fuck it was beautiful now because it's like, that's what I really knuckle down and started to do the work I promised myself that I would understand why the fuck I do things, but didn't want to feel that feeling again, and 6 years on are now in a really beautiful, loving, amazing relationship and we still have things we need to navigate. Like it's the same things are showing up as my last relationship. The difference is I'm now aware of the differences, and now I have tools, and understanding of what's actually going on for me at a core level as opposed to what I would only see now that you see the argument, or what the fuck and all these things here, was like, Oh, I've got this deep understanding of what's actually going on here. For example, abandonment, wounds. It's abandonment going there are nearly we really need to address as opposed to the argument over fucking, you know, did you use dishes or not emotions?
 
Sarah 9:11
Yeah, but the thing is, though, it's one thing and I know for those that are listening, it's one thing to be aware. As I know, I'd like to be aware that you've got these wounds, right, and that you react this way. But it's another thing to actually pivot. It's one of the hardest things especially when things get heated, and we're not responding. And we're reacting is to actually pivot in that moment. And make that shift. It's so hard. And that's the one thing that people tell me like people that do my programs, like, I know that I'm yelling at my kids, and I know that I'm being this bitch of a mom, but when I'm in that moment, I can't stop it. I can't control it. Like what is some advice that you can give to people that I like, but when I'm in that moment, or I'm, you know, I'm gearing up my wife or my husband or whatever, I can't shift it when I'm there. Even though they know it might be the inner child, you know? Yeah.
 
Wa 10:07
Why reason why it's so difficult, because you know, we're survival beings. So we're just here to try to survive. And if that be true, what's... ahhh... we're gonna go to a safety in what's safe is what's familiar. So as a child, all we had was parents that yelled at us and screamed at us or even swore at us, that's familiar, therefore safe, therefore help us to survive. So we've got all this knowledge that we're starting to learn, and how to show up for our children in this example, and I keep going back to this because that's familiar. And that's why it's important that we first become aware and then start to do the work and step into speaking calmly and we're going to do that with a lot of consciousness and intent. And then the more often and frequently that gets that becomes more familiar, therefore more safe, and then that is what we'll start to do on autopilot as opposed to what we've always ever known.
 
Sarah 11:05
Yeah, that's exactly right. So we instead of just going into the familiar past, because that is safety, because that's something that I did learn from you. It's creating that new what it looks like to you know, in the New World, 

Wa 11:10 
Yeah.

Sarah: 11:11 
And that's something that Zein and I and you know, I'm still struggling with the, you know, with the kids, as a parent, but yeah, it's gonna take some time. And they they're like, it's like our partners and our children, our biggest teachers, they're, they're like mirroring exactly what we need to continuously work on. But like you said, when you're in a conscious relationship, and I want you guys and I see you guys and it's it is it's beautiful, though, because, of course, we're all going to have stuff going on, but it's how we never go through that and, you know, being conscious of that is just is amazing. Like, what more does anyone want, a conscious relationship?
 
Wa11:55
Yeah, 100%, for me, you know, what's most important for you and your life is different for every single person. And for me, and obviously, it comes from my experience of life as literally a beautiful loving relationship. And people are like that's more important than your children? And for me I'm like, yeah, a lot of people were like, blown away by that. I'm like, yeah, it is. And like why and I want some understanding of how your relationship can be more important to children, because that actually affects us in a really positive way, or a really negative way of how my children show up in the world for the rest of their lives. So I have a beautiful example of what this loving relationship looks like. Sounds like it feels like that's going to impact them in the most beautiful way, as children and as adults, and that's why my relationship is so important to me. I'm in a conscious relationship now. And like I said earlier, we're still navigating things. I'm learning so much about myself. You know, I now I know that conflict is something that I'm having to learn healthy conflict as a child, how I seen conflict navigated was dad raised his voice, would swear, sometimes use physical violence, and or just completely shut down or shut off and use that passive aggressive energy to control everyone in the house. And for the most part of my life, I've done that. And even in my last relationship, oh, I thought I got really good at that. Mmmm. I reflect back now and with my awareness now that I was actually just made her feel really small that she just somewhat even like a bit of wishes gave up. I'll just surrender like it's so much easier that way. And that's not the real issue. Again, on a better relationship with my person is able to fully express herself and feel safe to do so. So I'm in this relationship I'm learning how to, in a healthy way, never get a conflict.
 
Sarah 13:53
Can I ask the question because I've listened to a lot of your podcasts before. And a lot of I've heard you speak a lot into even the Amend workshop like your dad right? You obviously played a big impact in your life, but whenever you speak about your mom, like what role did she play? Was she like submissive? Was she quiet? Was she strict?
 
Wa 14:19
Yeah, that's.... No actually, I don't mind. I just had this sort of, I guess head home asking the question. No one's ever asked me about my mum.
 
Sarah 14:29
Yeah, I know. Because I'm that mum a little bit. I'm the yelling mom that I'm trying to navigate through that. And so whenever I hear you talk, it's your dad. And for a lot of people, it's their dad. And so I'm just curious to know and I've always have been, like, what role did your mum play?
 
Wa 14:48
Yeah. Actually getting a little emotional right now. 

Sarah 14:50
Yeah me too

Wa 14:51
This is the first time I've actually realized that no one's ever asked me about my mum. That makes me a little bit sad that no one's ever asked me about my mum and because me and my mum don't really have a really strong connection like we did. Yeah, growing up my mum was like my protector. I was a mummies boy. And, yeah, it makes me sad that I don't have that connection with her anymore. For her, I guess my take responsibility for that as well but she's got personal things going on for her. And I somewhat chose to disengage from that. Umm
my mum was very submissive, very submissive and I feel sad for my mum. What she endured for 22 years, and I have deep understanding like it would be difficult to I guess navigate your way out of all that trauma, and all that hurt and all that pain. Umm, sort of caught me off guard with that question. 

Sarah 16:10
I just, I don't have it written down, by the way. And I guess because I am a mum. And you've probably been interviewed by male...males. Well, a lot of the podcasts that I've listened to have been males and so I guess that's why the masculine will ask about the masculine but me You know,
 
Wa 16:32
I think in any spaces, that is not my mum's not really brought forth. 

Sarah 16:40
I've only seen a photo and so that's why I asked.

Wa 16:41
Yeah, and, you know, maybe there's energy that I'm putting out there. A lot of my healing has been around my dad and there's a lot of stuff that I share. It was a moment and a Queen warrior space. I think it was 3.0 where I realized that, you know, I've done a lot of healing around my dad, and then my mum showed up. And that was a lot deeper than the stuff that I navigated my dad, because the stuff with my dad was a very clean physical violence and the fucking being shut down was just everyone could see it. You know, however, the little subtle things that played out for him with my mum, I just wasn't aware of it. Like a ton of bricks in that program that I was facilitating, and I'm deeply grateful for those women that were in that program because, you know, I allow myself to just be really open and that they actually allowed me to be held in a space that I was I was holding, which turned out to be really beautiful, because then the connection between myself and all the women that were in that space like fuck it was so deep. I can say it how helped me through a lot of my wounds around women, because I didn't trust women. I didn't realise this, but I didn't trust women for most of my life, which actually, I'll just say fucked up my relationships because I didn't trust you. I didn't trust you from what I was observed as a little boy.
 
Sarah 18:00
Yeah. So can I ask do you think that maybe as a little boy, you held some resentment towards your mom because she can step in to save you.
 
Wa 18:11
I now understand and I have compassion for her. How difficult is to move through what's actually going on at a core level. You know experiences like, you know, being woken up two or three in the morning for us, mum to sneak us out of the house so that we can drive through for hours to our grandparents house and then just sit there and listen to conversations that you know we're not going back... we're not going back... And I was like ok, we're not going back. And then you know, three or four days we're back in the van and we're driving back into what what I look at the lion's den, and that was my experience, like as I was driving home, Why the fuck are we going back? I love my dead... fucking amazing. And I know that I've got so many beautiful traits from him. And also, there were parts of me like I fucking can't stand... there's a little boy and I remember very clearly I used to tell myself when I get big enough I'm gonna kill him.

Sarah 18:25
Yeah. 

Wa 18:26
What's that I thought so which are driving us back into the mines and why the fuck are we going back to those points? I was terrified. So that's, you know, that's part of why I started to lose trust with woman, like you're supposed to get us out into taking a step back and again, I just heard you have conversations with person I was the person they were not going back. 

Sarah 18:35
It's so hard. 

Wa 18:36
Absolutely. And that's where I say, you know, understanding can deep compassion for my mum.
 
Sarah 18:39
Thank you so much for sharing that.
 
 Wa 18:41
 Yeah. So
 
 Sarah 18:45
 Sorry for catching you off-guard, is there anything that I can't speak about?
 
 Wa 18:49
 I think for me, unless it's other people's personal stuff that I don't have permission to share. I won't share but I'm open book.
 
 Sarah 19:55
 And it's beautiful though. It really is because someone will need to have heard that you know, somebody and be in that same situation. And that will need to hear this... really beautiful. One thing I wanted to share as well with everyone that's listening is that since I've been in this space, and I've just noticed that there are so many people that are interconnected like you're working with the brother and I'm working with the mother or the son and you know, they're working with very similar people and I have called in Maori, they say Maori like to say it right... culture, they seem to like me, and I like working with them too. And it really is just in general. I want to speak about that culture in general. And I don't know what it is that why is it that you guys are doing the work? There's so many of you guys healing, whereas I'm Lebanese and I can't get the closest people to me to even understand or look at this work yet. There's so many of you like, I know there are a lot of biker gangs or like a lot of big strong men that are like, you would never think that would be open to this work. And it's like I love it. And I'm so grateful. I think that's beautiful that you're doing this. But what was it for you like how did you get them to to soften like, how do you get them even? What perhaps, like I don't even know the question I'm asking you know what I'm like, how do we get people like men like this to get into this work?
 
Wa 21:19
Yeah, I think I hear what you're saying. I understand what you're saying. And a simple and short answer to that is by doing it ourselves first. When we share our story of where we've come from in the life that we live, well that sounds really familiar and life that I've lived in probably still living. If they can do it, I can do it. Because we stand from a place of experience like yeah, the tough life might be fucking cool from an outside perspective, an aesthetic perspective, but deep down inside, these big strong... there's a little boy that is fucking hurt. There's a little boy that's crying out is that little boy he's exhausted, saying I can't keep living this life. Like, let me be peace. Let me be love because that's so much more beautiful. And there's longevity in that because there's no fucking longevity of being the tough angry guy wanting to smash everything. It's exhausting. It is exhausting. So that's initially why we actually started doing this work was because we wanted to be examples , I used to call it our people. And what I meant by that was Maori and Pacific islander people because of all the workshops that are going to and this isn't like a racial comment just an observation. It was all white people. And I felt somewhat left out but I did have enough courage sit in it and be ok with it. You know, we need to get more of our people when I talk about our people nowadays, and it's like it's an example of my growth. Our people just human beings. If I want to be completely honest, our people, for me, personally as people with no money and why I say that is because as a child as a teenager, and as a young adult. I couldn't afford to go into a fucking $500 program or some you know, $5,000 program. I'm not saying either were wrong for whatever price has been charged. It's just we didn't have that type of money to access this type of work, so that we could understand ourselves and navigate and work through so that's when I say our people today. But yes, people that don't account don't have access to us because of monetary reasons.
 
Sarah 23:33
And with your culture, like when when you did grow up because I've seen some videos recently when you went back home for a couple of deaths that you had in the family recently. Did you did you grow up? Was it community around? Is that how it is like this? Because I saw some places where you're just altogether peeling potatoes and doing all the thing and I've never seen anything like that to be honest. Because so is that like a cultural thing?
 
Wa 23:57
Yeah. 100% What are you seeing was Asamarai. So of my most beautiful childhood experiences were at Asamarai, I wouldn't go back, you know, once a year. All my dad's brothers and sisters would come in and bring all their kids. Our cousins were like nearly as close as brothers and sisters. You know, a week or two every single year we've all been together. And when you're at the Asamarai, all our food gets cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner you all eat together and hundreds of us. We all sleep in the same room. The adults sleep in the Asamarai mattresses and you know the kids go and sleep in the mattress room and for us, our coolest experience is when the mattress room, we would fight, wrestle we were just be kids really. And the parent sort of let us be. So that's why you were saying that like regarding like Maori culture is very community based. Growing up as a kid there were always people coming and going coming and going, which is really beautiful. And they have some really unhealthy shit that was going on as well when he was coming and going and coming and going. And why part of why. You know when I become a dad, I was like, I'm really mindful of these motherfuckers that were coming into my house to a point where it's probably the extremists. No you can't. So much so if your going to bring your bro, he can't come into my house. I was actually really big on my children only up until recently. My children are 19, 17 & 14 now, and as recent as a few months weren't allowed to stay at other peoples houses. And what I was actually doing was yes, keeping them safe in particular, but also projecting my childhood experiences on to my children's growth and my children's experience in life. We can't stay in counseling and also can't just stay home where it is safe. So I still had wounds that I was holding on to as a child that I was projecting it onto my children and their experience in life.

Sarah 25:56
 Stayed and slept together. 
 
Wa 25:59
Yeah, well, the Asamarai stuff was all beautifulness, what I'm talking about like communities at your home. Fuck, there were parties and every Tom Dick and Harry would come through the party we'd get other people's houses and sleeping in the lounge you don't know who the fuck is coming through those houses, all these adults that are drunk, like you don't know who these people are. That's uncle this and aunty that. Like for me now it's like no, no, that's your auntie, that's your uncle and that's a person. Not everyone's auntie and uncle like, which is quite a common thing in the Maori culture to just call everyone auntie and uncle. I love my culture and the parts from my culture that I really love and that I feel like served me and my family. There's parts that I don't like and I've chosen to let go that big thing and a lot of Maori culture around respect your elders, which I agree with. However, I believe it's like respect your elders at the cost of yourself. No, fuck that... Elders also have a role players respect the younger. And I've had conflicting conversations around this as I know, it's all about respect. Now there's an outdated narrative doesn't serve us because then we got these children who just do what they're told when they're fucking told don't understand who they are, and never explore what's actually going through them because just doing it all from the elders doesn't serve me and my kids and I'm not taking that part of my culture, into our family.
 
Sarah 27:20
I'm exactly the same and I cringe when I see parents trying to push their kids. My kids are very respectful because they want to be they'll get up and want to talk to the people that they want to that come over, but I never tell them get up and kiss so and so get up and hug them get up and kiss them because that was the one thing that got me into my you know my thing when I was 12, because apparently if I hadn't gone and kissed this man, hello, and I just shook his hand and he wouldn't have come on to me at 12, and it's like, you know, that was his thing to me. But my dad was the one that was like, you go home kiss him hello, because that's a big cultural thing. Everyone's and auntie and uncle to and you kiss and say hello to everyone. And I just I won't have it now, I'm like no.
 
Wa 28:04
Yeah, absolutely. So it's things like that, that people don't realise because it's a cultural thing as well. What my parents did and what their parents did... Get up and kiss your uncle. You know on a surface level. Let's get up and kiss your uncle. What you hear down here is like, when your uncle wants to kiss you don't say no. So oh, actually, if people start to hear this and when I listen to this I think, fuck no I'm not gonna teach you my kids that. That uncle is in charge and he does what he wants . Like there is sexual abuse that fucking goes on in a lot of places. I worked in the public health sector with children for 30 plus years and the reports I read daily. There's never a stranger. Always a friend or a fucking family member.  Yeah, it's important that what we're teaching our children is that they understand themselves and they have the right to say no, they have the right to say yes, not get up and kiss your uncle because I told you so that's what my dad and my dad and my dad told me to do.
 
 Sarah 29:01
Exactly. Exactly. And I think if anyone gets anything out today, that's a really big important one, actually, because it's still happening. And I still see it. And I just I tried to, you know, educate these parents, but for some people, it's this is about the people pleasing to Yes. Like the respect is also how they're going to be perceived. And then to make sure that they look respectful and the kids do, not just culture I find so yeah, and you know, just say something as well back to what you were saying about when you said that. The most important thing for you is your relationship. I've had a lot of people judge me for saying that as well. But for me, it's it's my husband and I and we tell the kids that because I've watched my mum and dad, in their relationship, never go on a holiday together, never do anything together without us and put us first, especially my mom and unfortunately, they're divorced. So it's like when that breaks then the rest breaks really. So I saw that firsthand myself and I see it all the time. When I see people putting the kids first it's like you guys got to come first because the kids are here. You know. 

Wa 31:05
Love is a really big and beautiful energy that most humans I would say actually always humans would love to call in and have in their lives. And you know society and the dictionary has as a meaning of what love it's really fucking beautiful. Most people that's not what love is. What Love is, is actually what they see what they heard what they experience between the two parents. So if for example, my example of what love was was physical violence was yell was swear was shut down. When everything's happy, when Dad wants to be happy. That's what love was for me. For most people, their definition or meaning of love is not what's in the dictionary. Therefore, that's what they call it to life because it's familiar relationship friendship workspace after workspace and relationship and all the things because that's what love is to them. And why my relationship, what was happening to my children, is the most important for me first, because I want to be happy I want to write my narrative of what love is, because what it is for me will become so familiar for my children that that's what they call in and love the life that they live.
 
Sarah 33.01
Got the same like mic there. I just wanted to say thank you so much. Is there anything else that you wanted to to say here today before I wrap us up? 

Wa 33:33
No, I just said I'm deeply grateful for our friendship. I am grateful for our connection, our shared story, actually, I'll share a quick story. About a month ago and he's like, bro, how do you work with all the people and get people in, because I don't often see you posting about this stuff. And I joke I said, I've got three mates bro. They're literally like my marketing team. And you're one of those people that literally a lot of people, fuck and most of the people are 90% of the people I get are you three and I'm so grateful that you have so much trust in me that you're continuously you know recommending me and saying go and check Wa out. Because 90% of the people are from you three amazing human beings. 

Sarah 34:55
I keep sending them. Listen, I don't just say go check him out. If I can go get a photo, send it to them get the link, send the link and then I'll do a follow up call. Did you call him?
 
Wa 34:58
We have a conversation. And that's always one of your three names. 

Sarah 34:59
Can you tell the story about how once I shared someone and you're like. I see his wife or I see his husband, I can't remember, and you said, I can't believe we're aligned together and I was like, No, I sent him to bro I sent them to you.

Wa 35:03
 Bro, I sent him to you.

Sarah 35:08
 Well, you know what, and the reason why I do for those that are listening is because Wa was the first guy and the first person I have to say to fully see me and a that Amend workshop. Something seriously happened to me and I was fucked for about four days after it. And I realized now I was literally that caterpillar morphing into the butterfly really slowly and because you kept on saying you're not taking up enough space because I was telling the story about how when I was young I was that taking up too much space etc. And I was you know this attention seeker always in the spotlight. And you kept saying you're still not shining like bright I don't know the words exactly. But I remember you trying to tell me that you know you've still got more. And I was like, What? What are you talking about? I'm on Instagram. I've got my business like what more could I possibly have? Like this is it you know? And now here I am. I'm about to do my first stand up comedy live, filmed paid and I'm just like, I'm doing things that I only dreamed of doing and I'm 46 like, Fuck yeah like, and that's not that's not even half of it. I'm like, I want to pick out a stadium like I'm not stopping. And when I looked at that, at that workshop two, three years ago when you were like, you're still playing small and I was like, what's your talk about and took me a long time and now I'm like, well so when you are in space with someone that truly can see you before you can even fucking see yourself. You can't forget that person. So Zein and I are so fucking grateful for you. I honestly I love you so fucking much. 

Wa 35:55
WelI I personally and I'm now my partner. I am so grateful for the connections that this work brings forth.

Sarah 36:05
It really is another level of connection, isn't it? It really is. You know you say I love you to strangers. That you meet online which I've never done. I love my clients in a way that I never thought that I'd love like, because when you do see someone's soul and you see someone so vulnerable, and you hear someone's story. It's just the most beautiful thing and I just wish that more humans would just open up and show up and understand and know and believe that the minute you do, people love you all of you, more. 

Wa 36:09
One last thing I'd like to share sis is we talk about being a stand up comedian you share with me really early. You know the story they used to tell yourself was too much and there were too many people in your life that confirm that for you. A beautiful woman or even a beautiful man who is listening to this as like and you're like not been talking too much or I want to be a comedian. It's like connect with the people that are doing the thing that you want to be doing because they have experienced it and I can help you navigate it really beautifully and really fucking powerfully.
 
Sarah  36:13
Thank you so much. What a beautiful way to end thank you so much brother, for coming on and for everything and I think this is actually a really beautiful, amazing podcast. I can't fucking wait to share it.