Episode 18 - From Veteran to Vulnerability with Donell Roberts

In this episode, I'll be sitting down with Donell Roberts to hear about his incredible journey from serving in the army to becoming a self love ambassador and men's empowerment coach. 

Donell will share his personal story and the experiences that shaped him into the person he is today, offering a unique perspective on the importance of self love and empowerment. 

I can't wait to hear all about it and share this amazing story with you!

Hope you enjoy!

Transcript

0:04
 So today I have a very special guest all the way from Denver, Colorado. I have Darnell Roberts, Darnell I met online through his, his amazing reels if you're not following Him go over and follow. I'll leave a tag at the end. And Darnell basically is on this amazing self love journey. And I dropped in a slide into his DM's knowing that, you know he's a safe, masculine that knew that I was also on the same journey just found his, his whole story. Very interesting. So, over to you. I just wanted to give you a little introduction, but I really want to ask you a few questions. But how are you?
 
 0:45
 I'm doing well. I'm doing well. Thanks so much for asking. How are you? I'm good. I'm good morning here. It's nighttime over there. Is it nice afternoon.
 
 0:55
 Yes, afternoon. It's afternoon. It's just after work hours. It's Thursday there and it's Friday here.
 
 1:03
 So, um, yeah, I just I really want you to tell tell us a little bit about yourself and you know, what you do and how you came across this. You know, this path? Yeah. So, um, you know, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a very simple man. I'm a very simple person. I'm a dad which is probably the most important role in my life.
 
 1:32
 I come from two amazing parents. My parents are very hard working.
 
 1:39
 stumble, fall, get back up again kind of people and they raised us with this very direct relationship with God. You know what I mean? Which was, which was very important to me, and still is and
 
 2:00
 regardless of everything that my parents taught me, I just couldn't get it right.
 
 2:05
 I made I made so many mistakes in my life from just you know, failed marriages failed.
 
 2:15
 Failed myself as a person, not really obtaining all the the goals that society tells you you have to obtain, you know what I mean? Yeah. And, and it's so easy to, to kind of lose yourself in the failures, or in in the lack of society's accomplishments. You know, what I mean? So, in the midst of, of, you know, my upbringing, I ended up joining the army at 18. You know, and joining the US Army, it kind of set me on this journey of like, self destruction almost. Yeah, I mean, I really, I really didn't have an identity prior to joining the military, and I just grabbed the the military's identity. So that's who I was, for the first maybe 10 years of my adult life. Until I got injured on a jump and loss lost part of my hearing and ended up getting separated from the military and it was and in the midst of that, I you know, I end up having some, you know, having my kids and, and I got married, you know, between the ages of I got I got married at 19 years old. So you got married and you're in the army and you're in the army for 10 years. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So just want you to just backpedal a little bit. So, so what happens so you so you got because I know that we had this message before so you got separated from the army because you were injured. So a long time. So what was the what happened?
 
 3:59
 Um, I was in, I was airborne. I was on airborne jump and I messed up my back and had a head injury, and a few different things and I had already suffered a few head injuries before that.
 
 4:15
 And it was kind of like the last straw.
 
 4:20
 But in the midst of me, you know, going through the military, I learned a lot of great information. And the most important thing was how to lead. You know, the military taught me how to be a leader. I got promoted to a leadership position at 21 years old when we were overseas. And I was just telling this to, to my lady and I got promoted overseas, and I was like, I don't know what they were thinking, promoting me, you know? But but it just so I came back from Afghanistan, and I was married at the time and my wife said, you know, she just couldn't do it. She couldn't do it. She couldn't do the military thing. We met in the military. But she just couldn't do it. And I understood that you know what I mean?
 
 5:10
 And they ended up staying in Colorado and I ended up having to leave and go to Korea. And my relationship with my children suffered. I was a terrible bad I barely called you know, I barely reached out to him i i allowed my, my career to be the excuse of why I lacked as a parent as a father, you know what I mean? Yeah, and, and deep down inside, it tore me up inside. It tore me up inside and I thought about it every single day. And it didn't really hit me until I got injured. And, and I was actually like in a mental health class, and they asked me if you died today, what would it say on your tombstone?
 
 5:59
 And I could, I could, I remember just thinking about all the accomplishments it was, say, combat veteran era saw airborne, you know, fought in the Afghan war fought in two different campaigns. Just it could speak very highly of my career, but it didn't speak at all to who I was as a father, who I was as a leader who I was as a friend, and that broke my heart. And from that day, I changed. I changed my relationship with myself first because first and foremost, when I grabbed this, this this identity of the military, I gave up any idea of having a relationship with myself, again to relationship with the military, with the army, and that is what the relationship that I that I actually poured into, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it was the relationship that I that I invested my time, effort and energy into, versus actually the real things that matter in life. So when I got separated from the army, I was stuck with just myself. A person and I did not know a person and I couldn't identify. I didn't know what I enjoyed doing. I didn't know what
 
 7:26
 I just had no clue what direction I was going in, and to feel.
 
 7:33
 To be 28 years old to be a father to have so many things behind you. I was so lost. I was so incomplete. I was so empty. I was so broken. And and I just, you know, I decided to stop. I didn't want to continue that. That that lifestyle and I mean, between the things that I was doing to myself drinking heavily, you know, dating women that I that I didn't really know and didn't really want to get to know but they they they gave me a sense of completion because they were happy. I thought that I can get with them and be happy with myself, which is never the case, right?
 
 8:30
 A lot of us a lot of us do that where we will meet somebody who seems like a good person. And they seem like a happy person. So we think that their happiness is gonna rub off on us. Yeah. We're with them. We're happy. So we expect them for the remainder of our relationship to make us happy.
 
 8:49
 When nobody can make you happy. Yeah. So the catalyst really was you getting injured, so that you could find this happiness and this you know, this self love that could I try to seek a relationship with myself? Yeah. And before I go into that, because I see you and your your reels are so infectious. I felt your energy through your reels. I honestly felt energy. When you when you are deep in love. With yourself, and your energy and your vibration changes. You can feel others it's like, you know, the bullshit, you can smell the bullshit, you know, because energy doesn't lie. And so I honestly, I watched you and you know, it wasn't for your looks and it wasn't for all of that. You're an attractive man, but it was your energy. It was like, Look at me, it was like you're there with purpose with meaning and you've got a message and it's obvious, and we'll talk about what it is and I want you to you know, talk to men directly in this podcast because I want to go into the fact that you are a life coach, you are helping men with mental health. And there are so many coaches out there at the moment. But the problem is not all of them are doing the work. It's one thing to go and you know, get that certificate or whatever it is that you're getting an alert and modality but it's when you actually have been through the trenches you have a story and been there and you you pull yourself out. It's like to speak from experience. From experience. You don't need a fucking certificate, right? I know that because I'm doing it. And I want I want to hear more about your story because I met a guy once, you know from America and he was in the army and we went we dated we went on a few dates, but we couldn't sustain a relationship. He was an alcoholic and he told me he was an alcoholic. You know, he had a big drinking problem and the trauma and now I understand why like the trauma. I mean, he just said Afghanistan. I didn't even think that you actually went to war. How's that like? Because in Australia like people go to the army I've got a friend who went you know, he was in the army but he didn't actually go to war. And so now I'm like even fucking more mind blown. That you actually went to fight like you actually work you've seen shit like you've you've seen stuff that some people some men cannot move from. And so it's like, if you could go through a little bit of that stuff only because it's like if you can move past and grow from all the stuff that you've had to endure. It's like there's a lot of hope for a lot of, you know, humans out there not just men, men and women. So, Dan, I'd love for you to talk into that right now.
 
 11:27
 So I think the biggest thing, especially in today's society, like we there's this, there's this preconceived notion that we just as men, we just have to be hard. I gotta be a stone. I gotta, I gotta be a protector, and I gotta be a provider. I gotta be able to protect my family from anything and everything. And the only way I can do that is me being the hardest, man, I can be myself. Right. And then I got to be a provider I got to be able to make more money than anybody else. I know because my family deserves the best and that's my way of providing which is completely wrong.
 
 12:09
 So many take the medicine out with that. Yeah.
 
 12:14
 Yeah, I take the I take the approach of a vulnerability. I take the approach of transparency. I take the approach of honesty and intimacy for a reason.
 
 12:27
 Because as a father, and even as a child myself, the thing that I desired the most was, was to have an intimate relationship with my father as well as with my son's anatomy and and that's the thing that makes us connect more than anything else. Is me and me being able to so let them know that I love them, that I can be vulnerable with them and that energy can be received as well. And I think so many fathers today lack the, the opportunity to provide intimacy to provide vulnerability to say, You know what, I'm like, I am I'm the baddest motherfucker you know, but, but I still can sit here and cry with you. I still can excuse my language. I don't mean to curse but I still can sit here and and have a sensitive moment. With you. Yes, because a part of my my provision a part of me providing for this family is providing intimacy is providing vulnerability is providing honesty and transparency and providing sensitivity and in in the correct manner and in the right situation. And a lot of us fathers, and a lot of us men in general, we'd like to have that ability to do that. So that's why I always leave with what's with the I love you. You know what I mean? Because it regardless of what you think, regardless of your opinion of me, regardless of what you may think about my message, I'm only saying this because I love you and I want to see you do better.
 
 14:19
 You know what I mean? So I don't care. I don't care if you don't come from where I come from. I don't care if you don't talk the way I talk. You won't have to go to war, to be able to say that, that you love somebody that you don't know where you're like that, sorry to cut you off. But where are you vulnerable? Where the men vulnerable in the army?
 
 14:45
 No, no, no, no.
 
 14:47
 You're a man certain situations. Yeah. When you don't wanna step at the fan and people think that that that they're getting ready to check out here or it's time to go you know, everybody gets a little sensitive, you know, even when we when I used to be airborne, and our first few jumps, you know, the guy had nothing behind me. He just looked over at me. He's like, Man, I love you, man. I don't try to get all mushy because you'd like you
 
 15:20
 don't get all sensitive because you scare you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
 
 15:26
 So it's uh, you know it.
 
 15:30
 The biggest thing is is just being able to convey love.
 
 15:37
 Understand that ladies?
 
 15:40
 Say it again. That's just so liberating for men to be able to do that, especially because men I find they wear this mask. And because as a child, my husband was told, Don't cry, you know, like just this is the way it is. And I still hear parents do like Don't cry your man toughen up. And that girls me, because then they grow up and they like, I don't have any emotions. And they're so robotic and they're so in their head and they're not in their heart. And it's like they've got to do a lot of fucking work because they think that's the way they are. And it's like, no, that's not the way you are. It's just the way you were brought up, but we can change that.
 
 16:19
 And how much it's worth asking like, how liberating is it for you that you don't have to wear that mask of being a tough, strong man and like you did in the army and just be vulnerable and just be love it especially for for especially for the people that desire to have that is the greatest thing in the world. You know, because because not everybody comes from that situation. Or comes from that background where, where love was set in a household where love was shared, you know, even even the woman that I'm with right now you know like a lot of people are capable of showing their love but they're unwilling to say it because they're not used to hearing it.
 
 17:17
 You know what I'm saying? So, most people are like, well, I show you that I love you. And I'll show you all my actions. And that's cool. I got nothing against it. I respect that. That's where I want to see your love is in your actions. Yeah. However, it's always nice to hear too because the the saying The saying is as a as a law that you have just knocked down a vulnerability and that's a generational thing as well. You know what I mean? A lot of times when you come from a past or a household or a family and seeing your bloodline to to continue the historical hurdles that your parents and grandparents and previous generations have struggled with. So it's imperative to go up the harder heel, because when you do, you're you're you're killing the things that have set your people back. You're not I mean, you're knocking down those barriers. You're knocking down those walls. You are you are setting the next generation of success. So I tell my sons every day that I love them, and I miss them and I think they're beautiful and, and, and it's okay to feel this way. You know what I mean to feel in general, you know, what I'm saying?
 
 18:35
 And what is also imperative that I teach them to be strong as well. See, the thing about it is this not just to be aware of your emotions, but to be able to control those emotions. There's a lot of men out here that that there especially in America that are imprisoned today because they couldn't control their emotions. You know what I'm saying? Because they, they were offended. And by offended, they, they took that, internalized it and then displayed that act of emotion without running it through the brain. You know what I'm saying? What I'm processing it. And that's what a lot of men struggle with. A lot of men don't know how to handle their emotions, so they lash out. They say things to offend, they do things to offend, because they feel like and that's what most men struggle with is you seeing them it's a vulnerability for you to see me. Oh, you can Oh, you can see me.
 
 19:35
 You see what I'm going through? Can I Can I just add to that, and when you're because when a man is vulnerable, right? It's also It's unusual. Because a woman wants a man that's vulnerable and soft and loving and all of that. However, a lot of women can't hold the man when they see a man vulnerable.
 
 20:00
 And that's a bit of a problem. And I've seen it with my clients when they're like, oh, he cried, and this and I'm like, Yeah, and that's a good thing. I don't want him to cry. He's a man and I'm like, Ah, bah. That's that's societies that society standard. Yeah. And like I don't know about you, but here in lockdown, and we had a pretty harsh lockdown. A lot of men committed suicide and a lot of men have gone through a lot of mental health. And I know that I had clients telling me that he's stressing out. I'm like, hold on. He's just as scared as you are. He's allowed to be scared. And that's something that I had to endure with my husband. I said to him, it's okay. If you're feeling scared right now. Like I had to give him that permission. Because that was the unknown. It was like, nobody knows what the fuck is happening. Nobody knows if we're gonna get an income. We don't actually know if we're going to have money to feed our children. And so as a man and a provider who's always trying to pretend that he's got it all together or trying to have it together. I was like, you don't need to shoot you don't need to put on that mask right now. We can sit down together and feel what we need to fucking feel.
 
 21:17
 But can you imagine how many women see my my mission?
 
 21:23
 And my purpose regardless of how many followers and female followers I have, I'm always talking to men. I'm sorry. Oh, well, I never ever ever noticed that. Isn't that interesting? I'm always I have always always been talking to men. I have never been talking to women. What? Unless you unless you hear me say a going into it. I have never been talking to women. I've always been talking to me. Yeah, so because because that's who that's the broken piece. You know what I mean? In most households.
 
 22:00
 Households are are out of place and households and families are are mixed up and messed up because the man was not there was was not solid was not mentally, spiritually and emotionally capable of doing his part.

22:15
 for you not to the to the standard or to the requirement or the need of the family. Right. So, but I say that to say that a woman has the ability to, to lift a man of a woman in her words, and her energy in her effort in her spirit has the ability to raise a man up and make him feel like royalty. But in that gift, a woman also has the ability to tear a man down to make him feel like he is beneath the earth, that He is not worthy of life. That he is just less than a man emasculated,
 
22:55
So when we talk about like what you just said, your your ability to speak life into your husband. That is a gift that you should use. Wisely, to encourage him when a woman like talks positively about a man that that that pours love in to him that pours perspective into his mind into his heart. So it opens up his opportunity and vision to be able to accomplish more, to be more Yeah, you know what I mean? And, and a word a woman's words can cut so deep, positively or negatively. So we all must as people in general, we all must change the tongue because our tongue just has so much power. It truly does. And I'm sorry to Alexa. So it's, it's really something that we all just must be conscious of as people. You know, that our words have so much power. And we we can speak things into existence, and we can speak our way out of an opportunity as well. Yeah. Out of a person's heart out of a person's mind out of a person's life. Just. That works
 
 26:11
 Yeah. So can I ask you, what is your what is your what is your one message to to the men out there? Like if you had a message to the men, like Yeah, you know, coming from where you've been to where you are
 
 26:45
 if over, over everything over anything. Seek relationships and give love. This life is this life is built on relationships. No person got to where they were by themselves. I know a lot of people like to throw out the term self made or you know, whatever the case may be, any person that's in the position of quality is because of them and the people that are around them. Just like when you when I was talking to you, you said you know I shoot this podcasts and my husband cuts up the snippets and, and sets it up so we can do the rails like there. There's a team behind any quality project, any quality system, any quality person there was, there was individuals, no one person nobody birthed themselves. Nobody raised themselves. It took someone to pour into you. And we all have to be conscious of that. So we have to embrace relationships, even if it's the relationship that we have in ourselves. No other relationship in your life will be of quality. If you don't have a quality relationship with yourself. It might start out that way and they might be going good for a little while, but it's so to two to take a wrong time. Because that relationship with you is not of quality. You can't tell others what you desire to have if you don't know yourself. If you haven't sat down and and ask yourself questions and got to know yourself and you don't pour into yourself daily and remind you that you love you so much. It's so hard to to have that that quality of relationship with others. So so true.
 
 31:41
 It genuinely comes down to love and relationships.
 
 31:48
 And that's what you help men with. So you do one on one coaching and you're helping men like through zoom. So if anyone's listening they can contact you. Absolutely on Instagram. Because that this is the work that helped you. Can I ask that question? So like, obviously, there's a lot of trauma that comes with, you know, being in the Army and seeing what you see you can't unsee that right. But you can but you can work on yourself. And I'm taking it that's what you did straight after. Like, can you can you just talk a little bit about that if you've got time? Me working on myself. Yeah. Because you know you were a young boy and you've seen a lot and now you've got it like you said you had to come out and live in this world and all you knew was the army and everything that you've seen, which is quite traumatizing. So where did you like what where did you start? What did you do
 
 32:50
 you know, I started with with cutting out the outside noise. I think there was so many voices, so many opinions, so many ideas of what I should be where I should go how I should be including, you know, my Instagram feed and you told me I'm not strong enough I'm not big enough and I don't go to the gym enough and you know, it's it's it's society's expectation of you. And that was everything that I had to cut off because it made me look at myself as being less than right. And then I had to sit with myself. And when I'm when I'm sitting by myself, it's the same way when you're dating someone, right? You want to get to know them so you have to ask them questions. You have to you have to check in with them. When I'm dating somebody I want to protect you throughout the day. I know how should they go? How'd you sleep last night? Those are the same questions that you have to ask yourself. In order for you to form a relationship with yourself. You start with the basics. What do you what do you like to go what do you like? To do? You that's when you start answering those questions. What do you like to do? A lot of people can't answer that.
 
 35:11
 Yeah. They don't. I know it's
 
 35:17
 inside. I'll tell you the same response that the other person said How am I going to the gym? Okay. What do you really like to do? Who are you? Who are you really? Who are you outside of the algorithm? Who are you? In your heart of hearts? What what gives you peace? Wherever you go, and you feel most at peace. And then where do you go in your life that takes your peace away? You have to be able to answer those simple questions because if you don't know where in Life provides you with peace then you can't find peace. It's impossible to find peace everywhere. But it's impossible for everywhere to make you unhappy. You have to find some sort of balance within yourself within the system.
 
 37:17
 But if you can't answer those simple questions, what what do you like to do and where do you like to go? What do you enjoy? Those are just the basics of having a relationship with someone.
 
 38:31
 So that's more or less where I started. I had to cut out all outside noises. The podcast is the music. Everything in our life. We don't even realize it affects us. Everything that that comes into our path, the things the music that we listen to the food that we eat, the amount of light that we can show affects us on a daily basis. So if we can limit our interaction with things that take our peace away and increase our interaction with things that provide us with peace, it'll help us provide ourselves with clarity and understanding. It's a relationship.
 
 40:17
 And that's what everyone's looking for is clarity. People are saying I'm stuck. I need clarity in my life. And it's like you're the only one that can answer that. You know, you've got a persona you take the time to go within
 
 41:30
 to answer exactly the time answer.
 
 41:35
 You know what's funny is that I remember my first coach that told me to sit with myself. I actually was like, what does that even mean? He didn't even tell me what to do. Like imagine that. It's like such a simple thing to sit with yourself. And I was like going in my room and I'm messaging him going, What am I supposed to do? Exactly. And he's like, sit with yourself. Just sit with yourself. And I was like, actually it was it was really hard for me and I am I remember it was really sad that I didn't actually like sitting with myself. yet. I wanted so many people around me and it's like, hold on. If I don't like sitting with myself, how can I expect others to want to bear with me and then I started Yes, sitting with myself and loving on myself. My husband changed towards me. There was like, the relationships around me I became more magnetic. I really did become more magnetic. And it's because I started to love the relationship with me. And what people don't know and notice and I'm sure you know that is that. They don't give themselves the time. They're just tapping out numbing out with everything like you said like TV, smoking, drinking drugs, shopping all the things so that they don't feel what they need to feel but if only they knew that they had the power and if they could just cut out like you said the noise and the external oil. It's just just so fucking liberating.
 
 43:10
 It really is that we have to encourage people to do that. Because there's so many different outlets. There's so many different distractions today. Between the phone you just heard Alexa going off in the background. Company phone right here. My personal laptop, my iPad, my company laptop it there's so many ways to to go on autopilot if you allow it to happen. But when you go on autopilot and you and you come to you don't even know where you are. And then you don't even know how you got there. And that was a whole 10 years of my life where I remember leaving a parent's home and it was literally like a fast forward. And I was it was 10 years later and and I had just been going through the motions like like sitting inside of myself watching myself play out every single scenario and situation. But never being conscious enough to show up and present my true self. My intimate honest, vulnerable self. I just lied. I cheated i i just manipulated my way through every single situation. And I hated who I was at that time. And it really took for me to to sit with myself to realize that I had been this toxic and quality person for so many years for so many people and I was ashamed of it. You know shame will. Shame will either make you run and hide or shame will make you stand up fight. And if you want to change and if you want to grow and if you want to evolve as a person you have to decide to stand and fight. There's always this eternal war that is happening within you. Where where it's like, who you desire to be verse, Who You Are yesterday. And yesterday wants to win every single day. Yesterday you're who you are yesterday wants to wants to tell you this is enough. You good. You've done enough work. You don't have to progress anymore. You should be comfortable where you are you look at you you're good. But that the version of you tomorrow's is tugging and pulling and knocking at the door. said listen this is who this is who you desire to be open up. Open up open up the door open up the door to to more love to more vulnerability more relationships to to it's not more relationships, but it's the quality of the relationship. You can only have one friend in your life but if you are honest, vulnerable, transparent, intimate showing up every day as your true organic self, then that relationship can be everything that you need. It's the quality in which you provide yourself with in the in the in the amount of effort and energy that you pour into every situation. Because relationships take effort. They take energy. Yeah, you have to walk with that. You have to you got to wake up with with the mindset that I'm gonna grow as a person today. I'm gonna step into who I desire to be and not settle for who I was. And then pat yourself on the back. Have celebrate yourself. You know what I mean? How many people celebrate themselves, we're always accomplishing more, and always striving for more but we never stopped to just say, Man, I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you won the fight that you are you are a better person today than who you were yesterday. I love you and I'm so proud of you. And even if you didn't win, I will still love you. And I would still tell you that I'm just so proud of you because you are so worthy of being loved for exactly who you are right now.
 
 44:54
 Yeah, I do that and it is extremely powerful. It is so powerful. But it's unfortunately it's looked up I was looked upon like being vain and egotistical. But unfortunately it's sad isn't it? But you know I celebrate myself when I'm being disciplined when I don't eat the thing I said I don't want to eat or when I've you know done really well. I've helped someone and I know that some people will understand it and some people won't. But it's like if you don't celebrate yourself, how do you expect anyone else to you know, it's like in this life, it's like you know,
 
 45:39
 if I just love set a standard when it comes to me, no one will.
 
 46:44
 Yeah, exactly. And just before when you were just speaking about you're just being really vulnerable, and I really appreciate that. You've been vulnerable about the person you know that you were the first thing that happens to me when I see a woman or a man being vulnerable in front of me. I just think fuckin just then I was like, what a man, what a king. That's a real man, when he can own how he was and how we changed. Not someone that hides behind it and keep some leverage, not wanting to recognize it. You know, that's not a man. Problem. That's like, that's like living a lie.
 
 48:24
 I mean, so many of us do it every single day.
 
 48:27
 Yeah, I know. I know. And then also just letting go of shame, like you said, because I always talk about shame and how shame is like the lowest on the I don't know if you've heard of David Hawkins you know the frequency. It's like the lowest. How can you be love when you feel shame? How can you love yourself if you know you were sexually abused and you still think it was your fault and you're embarrassed about it or you slut shame yourself because you slipped around a lot or because you cheated or because you lied. It's like there is no shame and the relationship that I have with my partner. We've let go of any shame that we've ever had. And I can literally sit in front of him and tell him the things that I would probably never have told anyone and know that he's not judging me and vice versa. And that's just so powerful, knowing that he loves me in all of my shit, and vice versa. And I just wish that for more people because it does take your relationship with yourself and with the person with anyone you know that you're in love in life doing life with right to another to another level. I agree. Yeah. Isn't it it's just so beautiful
 
 50:40
 thing. I'm happy for you guys. Thank you. Yeah, because it's so many people that that struggle with with the transparency and the vulnerability of just showing themselves the truth. Yeah, that's what
 
 51:00
 it's not even like yes, that's it. You just hit the nail on the head. Yes.
 
 51:03
 It's not even like people like struggle to like, convey the truth to the world. But even for me, it was me struggling to convey the truth to myself. I was hiding from me lying to me, lying to the person in the mirror for so many years about everything. Like I'm trying to be a better dad. I want to find love. I want to you know what I mean? Instead of truly just just being truthful with myself. You haven't put forth how are you trying when you have put forth zero effort? You know, it's it's the lies we tell ourselves. It's not necessarily the lies that we tell the world.
 
 52:48
 It starts with self
 
 52:49
 eventually, we begin to believe that we begin to believe our own lives and and feed off of that heartbreaking
 
 52:59
 and then it takes something like cancer or something really bad to happen in your life. To then go and I've watched it, I've watched it with family members, you know, tell themselves a lie and live their life a certain way and then they get hit with something like cancer and the others like this is my karma. You know, I wish I did this and I wish I didn't do that and I wish to do this and so it's too late now. It's like it's too late. You got five days in palliative care and you know, you had an opportunity in life, but you were too busy pretending Yeah, living this facade. It's really sad. It's really
 
 53:38
 isn't a lot of us go through it. Actually just said that. That, you know, like the same thing in our financial situation as well. Yes. We are wanting to convey that we have more than we do. That we we have experienced more than we have experienced that we have lived more than we've actually lived. And the things that we consider to be value has zero value to it. We have we have fallen so hard for for things. That that is heartbreaking. Because we will rather invest in in thing things and invest in people. We will rather fall in love with our dream this and our dream that versus and falling in love with a complete stranger. We accept the downgrade of this car or this home or this coat. But don't accept the upgrade of this individual. Them them leveling up in life and in hitting a new
 
 55:00
 personal record for themselves. But we just we just have have given so much to things that will never return on our investment including our jobs, our careers, our education. So much stuff that that we're literally just checking blocks for society. Yeah, versus actually being a person of quality, a person of substance a person of
 
 55:34
 of love and quality relationships. Okay, I can't speak enough just to take care of the people that are around you. Get to know yourself, get to know them. Pour into the people that pour into you Yeah.
 
 55:58
 Beautiful. Beautiful all this has been a magnificent, beautiful, heartwarming touching podcast and I didn't know what was to come of it, but I knew it was going to be gold. I think we've been on here for almost an hour. I can't thank you enough for saying yeah I mean, I'm sure because I know. I already know. So many people are going to be my inbox just saying I needed to hear that. And I want men and women to listen to it. Because I'm here for I'm here for I'm here for all humans. Even though I like to work with women more. And I always send men to men that I know and I've got one coach but I'll be sending them to you as well. So I just want to say thank you so much. There's so much wisdom and knowledge and you're just like just a beautiful being and thank you for doing everything that you do in life. Thank you so much and same to you. Thank you Okay, a couple of things.