Episode 25 - Second Look At Self Love

Today on the show, we have a special guest joining us - Donell Roberts. 

Donell is an expert in self-love and personal growth, and I'm thrilled to have him on the show to discuss the importance of putting yourself first. 

So often, we get caught up in taking care of others and neglecting our own needs, but as Donell will tell us, self-love is a critical aspect of our overall well-being. 

He believes that it's okay to put yourself first and prioritize your own needs, and I couldn't agree more. 

So today, we'll be talking with Donell about the importance of self-love, why it's okay to prioritize yourself, and how to do it in a healthy and empowering way. 

Join us as we delve into this important topic and learn how to put ourselves first, love ourselves, and live our best lives.

Hope you enjoy!

Transcript

And so this morning I want to welcome a really special guest. I've had him before on a podcast Darnell Roberts from Colorado.
 
 So many of you got so much of the last podcast and I thought I'm going to bring him on again so we can talk a little bit deeper into self love, true love and friendships. So I'm going to hand it over to you I'm so happy to have you on I'm really excited because I get so much out of these recordings. So I know so many other people out there will say thank you so much for your time.
 
 Thank you for having me. It's good to see you again. I'm truly humbled.
 
 You know, just just having these conversations you know, you kind of get the opportunity to, to unpack all the stuff that's going around out there. Good, bad, ugly, you know, so I love this opportunity. Thank you so much. Thank you. So can we start with that? So for somebody that hasn't heard of self love, but has an experience of love because I definitely had it you know, when I was in my teens and 20s It's not something that I you know, unpacked a lot of this stuff so, but I want to hear from you. How would you describe that to somebody what is self love and true love? Like I want you to talk into it because you're talking to us so beautifully. I appreciate that. And that's, that's a that's a really good question.
 
 I always look at love as simply being in a relationship, right? So if we start talking just about something about self love, when we're simply talking about the relationship that we have with ourselves, a lot of us you know, a lot of us don't come from a perfect pass. Right, whether it be the relationship that we have with our parents, the relationships that we had with friends, the relationship that we have with a significant other, you know what I mean? And usually those relationships we just reenact those relationships in our life. Right? And then that that will same relationships, whether healthy or toxic. We reenact those evil with ourselves, right? So a lot of us are are honestly mimicking unhealthy habits and carrying those relationships into every other relationship in our life. And first and foremost the relationship that we have ourselves. So, really, where the disconnect or where the connection happens is is in any relationship, you have to get to know that person. Right. So I see you and I follow you on Instagram, and just social media in general. And I love the relationship that you have with yourself. So every post is a different emotion. You're smiling, you're crying, you're laughing. You're you're, you know, like overzealous and excited and you get to see that you have a very organic and very real relationship with yourself. And I love that and I love that you are willing and you're comfortable and you're you're confident enough to share that with the world. So really, I mean that self love starts with the relationship that you have with yourself. And it starts with just getting to know yourself on the simplest level. Always ask people where do you feel peace where do you find pieces? Where do you go, that makes you comfortable? That makes you at ease. And then on the other side of that, where do you go that you that steals your piece away?
 
 I was gonna say and the people you're exactly right. So so and then you have to ask yourself, why is that? Why when you're around this person, you are just completely at ease. You're completely at peace with yourself why? When you go to these locations, you somehow managed to lose your peace. You get uneasy, you get uncomfortable, and there's no joy there. Why is that? So? It's it's really simple questions, figuring out what you like what you dislike, at the lowest level and just building from there and it's an it's really a journey of intimacy. That's something that we touched on in our last podcast and honestly, I loved it. And I actually now use that in my programs and when I'm with my clients, I don't know I've never heard of it before and it makes so much sense is date yourself.
 
 And then he got the concept of Dating Yourself. Like can you talk deep into that? Because when you started asking all those questions like when you ask us when you go on a date you ask all those questions, but that to yourself, and we don't because most humans are not sitting with themselves. Unless they're scrolling shopping. You know, they're on social media. They have to be around other people. They've got to always be doing something because most people aren't comfortable. Just being with themselves, you know?
 
 silence And the silence like for me, Pete being at peace is going to the beach by myself.
 
 Sitting on the sand going for a dip by myself and that's when I can just look out onto the ocean where it just looks insane. It's just so peaceful and no going around and no one I don't need even to read a book. I can just be and that's what I'm doing. It's just been. So I want you to talk more about that dating because that was like that was I mean, that was just incredible for so many listeners in the last last podcast right right. It's, it simply goes back to just establishing a understanding, you know, getting to know yourself. Spending time with yourself. i i
 
 I did it so much in my younger years and I got to know people and it helps me be better at what I'm doing now and who I am today because I learned so much from people from dating, even just hanging out with friends you get to you start to categorize people. Right now this person is this way, and this person is a bit that way. They're not to judge them not to own anything against them was simply to understand. Right, and a lot of us we haven't done that with ourselves.
 
 You don't I mean, we haven't. We haven't because a lot of times we're afraid to point that mirror on ourselves because we're afraid of what we're going to see.
 
 To be let down because we have been taught so much that that perfection is the only way to be that if we if we have this mirror pointed at ourselves where we get to see imperfections then it will it would truly run and tarnish our perception of ourselves.
 
 They have ourselves in most cases in general, but we can't afford to be knocked down anymore.
 
 Pretty often right?
 
 So sorry.
 
 No, I was just gonna say is, is simply just an alternative mirror of what I saw. Because, like, like I said before, it is simply a journey. And we are constantly learning more about ourselves, not growing and learning more about ourselves and we're dying with you there's only two directions on this world. You choose to live, learn and and continue to grow more are on your way to a grave.
 
 There's no other way to be higher on $1 simplify it so much. But that's that's the justa Sadhguru.
 
 The Indian mystic. Yes, he says. We went to one of his workshops. My husband and I many years ago here in Melbourne and he says if you are not living your life, then you're committing suicide slowly. And about that once when I was on my way to a funeral and someone said they were going to find me like Not that I care but because they were really triggered because I shouldn't use that term lightly. And I said I was someone that wanted to end my life you know after I had kids so I'm not using it lightly. I was in depression and I was in a place where I was committing suicide slimy because I wasn't living my life. I wasn't doing the things that I wanted to do and I thought it was too late. By the time I hit 30 and then it was 35 and it was definitely too late and then when I was 40 People like you've missed your calling, and I'm like, Guess what, I'm 40 and I'm fucking doing it now.
 
 Yeah, it's like, there is not a time unless you're a sports athlete. You know, if you want to go and make it, there is no timeframe. You can still go become a coach. You know, I have clients and they like soccer players or they could have been and then like, you know, still living in that past where I could have been I could have been well, you know what, maybe you should go and Coach Young boys that want to be but are not driven enough that need that help, you know, so it's always an opportunity to live your life on purpose. And most people out they are committing suicide slowly and it's a harsh reality. But it's true because you're sad. When it when it is not meant to tear people down. It's meant to wake you up exactly. is meant to set an alarm in your head to tell you that. You don't have to just accept that.
 
 To just accept the downward heel of an early grave you can choose to stop it and turn around and go in the opposite direction not the direction of life, the direction of love the direction of a peace, internal peace. You know, a lot of people. The sad part is, is that a lot more people are on that road.
 
 Darkness really truly want to want to express because a lot of us are doing things that we hate because it's socially looks good. Because because that's what everyone else is doing. Yeah. And that is the exact same thing of just accepting that dark road. Yes, exact same thing of taking yourself to an early grave because you're not living living someone else's. Life but you are not like your lawn. I actually made up an analogy one day it came to me after a breathwork session. And I use it all the time. And it's like, it's like you were when you were born. Let's pretend we're birds. And you were told that your wings have been clipped so you cannot fly. And so you stay here on the ground. But then you start to believe in God, whatever it is for you and you start to realize that there's so much opportunity out there and you wake up one day and you fly a little bit off the ground and you're like my wings aren't clipped what a lie I've been told and the higher higher and higher and just want to tell these birds and your friends and family like Stop being silly come back down. That leaves a clipped you're gonna fall you're gonna hurt yourself. It's like that fear is like mind blowing because that's exactly what's happening. And then sometimes we need to say goodbye to those relationships and to those friendships that don't believe that you can saw like that eagle just a minute you do that you like cut the time I like flying apart. And that's what I feel like now.
 
 Absolutely. So. So there are there are some people that are are there to educate you and it is simply for you to learn that lesson. Right? Just like certain situations, some relationships or circumstances are simply placed in your life to teach you right my
 
 life my life has been one lesson after another and I know people can relate to that, because it's been one situation, one circumstance one relationship after another. And in all of these situations, this is not my forever home. This is not my forever car. This is not my my forever. mindset.
 
 This mindset, this home this car this situation even even some of the friends that I have right now I do understand that I am placed in their life to teach them something and they are placed in mind to teach me something and the sooner I get my lesson and move on the better off I'll be a lot of us get stuck in these mindsets. We get stuck in these these homes. We get stuck in these non attachment you know it's it's fear of stretching. Yeah, yeah. So many people are afraid to the of the unknown was unfamiliar. It was it was difficult. Yeah, yeah. That's strange. Yeah. Yeah. Ready to be pulled. They're afraid to be tough. They're afraid to be scratched.
 
 That goes back to the relationship that you have to have with yourself. You understand why he just said he lost the following because of whatever reason that's a scratch you like I've been scratched before.
 
 I know that about myself. I can handle especially for me, it was like I know what my intention is. My intention wasn't to hurt anyone my intention My intention is to help people to grow. And if somebody took that the wrong way I mean, it's the same thing when you have the awareness to say these are my lessons some people don't look at it as lesson some people play victim and continue with. I'm being punished widely and it's like no if you can see that everything is the lesson and find the lesson like you said, you're gonna live a life or service perspective.
 
 That's all it is. And even one thing that I tell people all the time, even if the house doesn't change, even if the car never changes, even if even if the location even if the situation never changes. You know what always can change your mindset. Yeah, change the mindset that you have to change the world around you.
 
 You don't I mean, never even if you interviewed never get a get a new verse or the new that you can you can alter your level of appreciation. Gratitude. Right? Yeah. So it doesn't necessarily change what you have or where you are or what you're going through. But it alters the way that you see the situation perfect. So you can except that okay, maybe maybe I can't change where I am.
 
 And I can change the way that I perceive.
 
 Once I have ownership, once I have control of the way I perceive every single situation the things that affected me no longer affect me.
 
 Yeah, that altered that scratched me. But things that scarred me before you can you can somebody like used to. Yeah, it's like you'd have become like a ninja where you can just like
 
 suck comes out and you can just flick that off and you get better at it big time. The more self love you have. The more plus the more the more confidence the more love that you have for yourself. Yeah, I have set boundaries recently, because I have more self love and boundaries even with you know, family members that are shocked at the moment with the boundaries that I've set. And because I would never have done that in the past because I was taught you put everybody else first. And when you can actually start to have this deep love for yourself. You know like I always say the way you do for your child. You know, you often hear the older generation saying that they love their children more than themselves. And it's like, Hold on to me, it's crazy, you know, and you know, my mom would still think I'm selfish if I said I loved myself more than my daughter. But now I've got to explain to clients and they've been mind blown because it's so new this information because we're not taught that. You need to model self love for your daughter to love herself or your son. You've got to model it. Not tell them love yourself first, you know and a lot of parents are like, Who do you love mommy or daddy and they play this game and the job done. He's not even in the equation, because the parents are so insecure other than them, and it's like, it's a fucking shit show. You know, it's actually it's a problem because who's going to educate these children there? And that actually brings me to my next point where would you say where we opinion that lack of self love and lack of self worth? Where does it come from? Where would you say where does it come from?
 
 And if I'm being honest with you, I think I think a lot of the things that we are taught is systematic. Yep. 100% Yeah, they, because they really wanted us to, to love ourselves. They wanted us to understand ourselves. They wanted us to truly be successful in in these areas, they will teach it in school. Yeah, high school and that not only was it not true, but some of the stuff that I mean, I know where people use different countries, but they teach some things and in America and and the narrative is shifted to to push whatever they want to push whatever agenda right.
 
 Right. So so they don't teach you about taxes in school. They don't teach you about relationships. They don't teach you intimacy. They don't teach you vulnerability. They don't teach you how to apply for a loan. They don't teach you about credit. They don't teach you things that they should teach you and it's for a reason so I totally agree.
 
 I'm definitely not shaming or blaming parents. But what what parents have to understand is that you have to
 
 you have to our work. Yeah. Is the system.
 
 Yeah. outwork your kids friends. You have to outwork the social media. Yes. As a parent, not only have you have you have to feed this child you have to protect this job that you have to also I know, there's one one time, like, in our country where, you know, parents are just sending kids to school, you know, whatever the school teaches them. That's what they'll know. You know, and that's it, you know, but to truly educate a human being about life that has to come from from the parent. And I think what a lot of people don't understand is that I don't care how old your kids are, even you if you still have a relationship with Japan's you still should be listening and learning who you are as a person derives from them?
 
 Oh, yeah. I always tell people, if you want to know your purpose in life, you have to ask your Creator will create whatever you hear, you know that way and they'll help you understand your purpose, but that purpose has to come down.
 
 Right.
 
 So in order to know that you're going to honor in order to know your your true destination in your journey as a person you have to look backwards.
 
 Riding is not necessarily focused on the past, but it's just where you come from in order to move forward and back to the school thing now, where the problem lies is that when there's this where the student is at school for like, you know, seven hours, eight hours and then by the time they get home and they eat and the Shaolin parents or the parents don't spend that quality time with the child. So they're not even having the conversations that conscious parents are having, like we do have will teach our children to have a voice and not smoke and to question things in school. That was something that exactly like you said earlier, like, our parents sent us to school and I, to be honest with my son was impressive, you know, four years ago, that was one of the things I was just like, I just been to a good school in the area that looked like it had, you know, good results. That was a but then I grew from that and then I realized that they were shaming him for some things in the school.
 
 So you know, I don't want to get into the detail but I was so okay with that. And I went to the principal and like they sorted it out, but I was like, no, no, no, no, no. So I sent it to another school and like that I would never have been that mother in the past. I would have told my son off, you know, because that's what my parents were like you listen to the teacher.
 
 Yeah. If you want like, for example, one teacher, call him selfish. Now I don't even call my son selfish. So I'm not going to allow that and because I don't shame my child, my child has the self confidence and self love, that he will not allow another human being to shame him. So he he came home that day telling me the story. And he said that when she called him selfish, he said, I'm not selfish. You are and he's jaw locked in that moment. Now I've done a lot of work around the body and the breath and that's actually rage so his jaw locked and he couldn't open it after he spoke the words in the anger that she said that to him and he would have wanted to really like let loose because no one has insulted him and spoken to him. In that way. You know, he's nine. And in that moment, she said nothing. Apparently I walked away. That's not something that we would have been allowed to do. Like I'm not proud that my son spoke to a teacher disrespectfully, but we've got to go Hold on a minute. She did was disrespectful to him. And she doesn't have a right to be disrespectful to him. So I was actually on my son's side in that moment, and I wanted him to know that if someone is rude or disrespectful, 100% You can do it only giving because when I said to you, that's a bit rude to say that to a teacher. The first thing he said to me was, if it's rude, then why is it okay for her to say to me?
 
 Like, maybe he's right. There's some parents out there is Don't shame your children and it was done to us. I mean, I don't know about you, but a lot of the older generation, you know, especially for me when I was studying my dad would always say to me and my mother, are you dumb, a stupid and a lot of parents do that. And I see it still today. And it all blows my mind. What they don't realize is that when you're shaming your child, they didn't accept other people just speak to them that way and then they don't stop loving the parent as you know, they stopped loving themselves. And that is one of the reasons I think that a lot of children as well have that lack of self love and confidence because, again, I've never shown the parents that wouldn't be done to do this. Well.
 
 That I'm talking, toughening them up. I've heard that a lot of men. I'm trying to toughen up my boys like, you need to toughen up your boy that when your boy turns into an adult and he's closed off, you're gonna wish that he would soften up, right? You're right. You're right in there. I think it all comes. It all comes with a balance.
 
 Because with anything in mind, it's simply about a balance like we we are preparing our children for the world.
 
 And you don't want you don't want them to step up there and not be ready. 

If you don't want the most harshest aspect of their journey to be in your household, right? Trauma to come from you. Yeah, right. That's what a lot of people do it. I mean, it's it's simple, just history kind of repeating itself just generational cycles. I was taught to that way and I came out fine I turned.
 
 I can't handle hearing that saying I came out fine. It's like, come out better than fine.
 
 And you're not fine with
 
 but you could have been they just think what's fine is I got a job. I got a family and it's like, but it's toxic. And you know, you don't even love your job and it's just it's fine. It's just got we've got to change that. I turned out fine.
 
 I agree. But again, like I said, it's systematic. You know what I mean? Like we, we there's a lot of things that we accept in this life because that we have to, you know, we need your employer to eat how you provide for your family. So you accept how you're treating this and you accept that and all I tell people is just just be conscious of what you choose to accept that to happen boundaries. You know what I mean? And I mean, we you can't really change what you've done in the past, but you can set a standard from here forward and dictate how you live your life going forward. How you treat your children how you talk to you. So because the way that you talk to your child, your child is ultimately going to mimic that behavior. Until you consciously tap in and make an executive decision within themselves to change or to alter or to make that happen is going to the way that your parents talk to you. You talk to them that way and they'll talk to their kids that
 
 way. Yeah.
 
 I mean, it's not pretty, but I think a lot of people are coming around a little bit more, right? Yeah. We think
 
 Yeah. 2% and even like, just around the school and things like that people are becoming a lot more aware. You know. I mean, you know, going back to that topic, I remember learning stuff at school that wasn't even true in history. But I was not taught for example, anything about Aboriginals in school about the indigenous people. Yeah, and that's really bad. Now, they're teaching that in kinders and in some schools, but we never taught I yeah, I just wasn't taught that. And that's shocking. You know, we were learning about Captain Cook and rubbish like that. And Christopher Columbus but not about the actual indigenous people you know about these other people that came and discovered Australia when Australia was here and it was already discovered and it's like, Sure, Americans the same you know,
 
 exactly. The same, actually. The same so. So it's imperative that, that we pass on the knowledge, you know, it doesn't, doesn't necessarily have to be your child. Or your or your family members, but any any opportunity to spread love to spread information, to spread as much what we call the gospel, the good news to share the good news to share the gospel. You have to you have to take advantage of it. We have too many pointless conversations about sports and music, and we all know what Kanye West is doing. But none of us know I can't even you can Oh, it's just a lot of these things are distractions. And if we are bored, then the Gowanus right, man. Yeah, it's not it's not necessarily just, I'm not just trying to come down on the man and just be a victim of the system because that's not what I'm a believer of, but I believe in people having ownership taking accountability for yourself. For your truck, or your family, from your community. What you allow,
 
 what do you allow in your field? You know, like, for example, I mean, I was just thinking about this again, yesterday. We watched it just for a laugh. And the more aware I become, the more I watch it and think it's like you're watching this futuristic movie, if you can remember some of those futuristic movies where they would have on a big screen out in the city. All of these warning and scary stories and it's in their right mind wants to watch and they think that I want to be educated I want to get updated wants to watch constantly stuff that is so negative. There is nothing beautiful about watching the news, and whether the watch or not, you're not going to be misinformed because it's information that you really don't need to know.
 
 Right, right. And that's that's the funny thing about it. Is, is that they're not we're not conscious as we consume things, we just consume things. Right? So we have to always be aware of what we consume, whether it be what we eat. Read what we digest into our ears because that that can affect us in every way possible. We have to be conscious of our mental health, our spiritual health, our physical health, all those things are factors in self love. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna you walk away from this toxic relationship that you have with your ex. Right? But what you still are consuming poison on a consistent basis is stuff that you watch on, on on social media. You know, the food that you eat consistently. Now walked away from that butcher. You walked away from that previous relationship. I mean, a lot of things are so unhealthy for us and we have to be consciously I gotta love myself. This is the whole me I get either one shot at this, you know?
 
 And so tell me I love that what is one practice you can perhaps share with, you know, our viewers, and those that are listening that they can do to for more self love, like, what's one thing that you know, because you don't want to overwhelm anyone like what's one,
 
 right? Right. I always tell people to start off with the basics when dating someone. I like to check in with, you know, a couple of times a day, or anyone. So I'll text myself Good morning. And ask myself, how are you? How do you sleep? I love that. Yeah. So it's the same way when you're dating somebody you just you just check in with them and then halfway through the day you I'm thinking about you I just want to see how you how's your day gone? Beautiful. Right would you have because it makes you be conscious of the things you do the interactions that you haven't because now you have to explain it to someone and that someone is cares about you someone that that wants to get to know you and you don't want to lie to him. You don't want to say I just got down to cheeseburgers and a large fries and a milkshake. Or Or you do you know it's really up to you. I know you're right. It's so true. It's about self love. What's what's good for anybody, right? Yeah. I had a cookie today. Like you know what, you deserve that? Yeah. So it's checking in with yourself a couple of times a day throughout the day. And then the biggest thing I tell people, you have to block out 15 to 30 minutes for yourself every single day, every day, regardless of what is going on. So what I tell people and I know and everybody like Well, when I Can I hit the ground running and like don't slow down until I go to sleep. Well, all I ask is that you wake up 15 or 30 minutes earlier, I promise you it will not make that big of a difference in your day. 15 minutes earlier. Just wake up. Grab yourself a blanket or pillow or or a chair and just sit in the corner. Just sit with yourself. How are you feeling? How's your how's your mindset tonight? How are you? What do you think about the situation? You go in if you ask someone a question like that, like last year, what do you what do you think about that situation you're in right now.
 
 See with myself or
 
 whatever situation you're in.
 
 I love it. I mean, big deep gratitude that I get to speak to you, and that I get to do this podcast and when I get where I am in my life and my job and my husband and my children. I am just in deep gratitude whenever I see and reflect you know, it's just beautiful and I do it. I do it a lot. It's something I never used to do. But I do that. I do it a lot and when to be honest, when I tell my clients to do the same, and when I hear someone say I just don't have the time. I know that they have zero self love and self worth because in 24 hour day
 
 That's crazy. That's
 
 crazy. You know, it's like it's the same analogy that a an accountant uses. If you can't save 10% of your wages. That's crazy. It's the same thing. We suffer if you can't take 15 minutes of your day. Right? It's like sleep less to sit with you. And then people want a boyfriend or partner or a girlfriend or whatever it is.
 
 You have time for a new relationship. or boyfriend or girlfriend but you don't have time to just sit with yourself for 15 or 30 minutes. A lot. But
 
 I know what else I found with that is that these people that are craving another partner so desperately, the partner is not coming and I tell them how can you expect your partner or the partner that you want to want to be with you don't even want to be I know it's harsh, but it's so true.
 
 It's not it's not as true as true, but I'm laughing because I tell people the exact same thing you a lot of us are looking for relationships yeah we don't have a relationship with ourselves so you you when you when you meet someone you're explaining the idea of yourself to them you're not supplying explaining the actual you because you don't actually know well, you're never actually spent time with yourself. Yeah, exactly. So it's, it comes down to that that time that you sit with yourself. You ask yourself, How am I what am I thinking how what do I think about the situation and things that come up when you say situation? You can tell where people's priorities are and our thought process. Talked about the podcast you talked about your life, your gratitude and the kids and husband and all of that that's where your priorities are. Right? And obviously for you, that's where you want them to be. But you'll get you'll get so good like even with myself, depending on the day. I'll talk about my kids and some days I'll talk about myself and some days. I'll talk about work and my work ethic and that'll let me know where my mindset is for that. And depending on where I decided to be I'll either shift it or keep it right there. Oh, that's exactly right. I don't want to be there. Let me let me adjust. But it's waken up and it's putting putting the right energy pouring back into myself. Investing in myself giving myself time because I say it all the time time. Is the only currency that we truly have. You can try to spend this money you can try to spend that. But how you spend your time is going to truly speak to who you are as a person. We want to consistently Where do you desire to be tomorrow? And what are you doing today to get yourself there? You know, you can't wait you said you know you went to school and learn how to write jokes, right? Because that's where you desire to be tomorrow. So you have to set yourself up for today. That's investing in yourself.
 
 Yeah. 100% And can I just say into that. The key to that is with self love. It's never ending. You will continue and for me in real time right now recently. Just the other day, because I have entered this competition which could get me to a state and then from that I go into international so I am now taking this so seriously that it is something I've always wanted to do. So what's happening to me now is that the self the self sabotage is kicking in and the old stories are coming back every time I'm trying to level up to go to places where I've never been, and my little still scared. And I was just crying and you know, I got anxiety which I don't get, and I knew that that was because you're scared of going to the stage again, you want your material to be bang on. And I'm trying to find a writer and I'm not great at writing. And so I didn't want to go to the open mic and I was like no, you got to do it. And I did all the things you know I did breath work. I think meditation I went for a walk I danced in German but the real thing was sitting with myself and going wanting afraid of what do you need right now from me what is in your book? So what if you fail? You know, and I just had to keep on talking to myself and I got on the stage and I smashed it that day. And I smashed it with more confidence than ever I made up a joke about the MC and I was like, you know that you know that this is out there for you and that's why you're afraid. And if everybody stepped back every time that we're afraid they wouldn't make it. You know?
 
 Most people do. I applaud you for just getting to that. Threshold and say, You know what, regardless of how afraid I am, I'm going to the next level. Um,
 
 yeah, and it's not easy. It's not easy to do that for anybody that's out there and they feel that they want to start a business or they want to do this and they they feel that fear coming up, but we've got to just step into it. And for me because I've been doing this work for so long on myself that I don't stay there for long. Like no, I went to the girls into my group or Facebook group and they saw me I was crying. And I want to show them and keep it real and then it was only like seven hours later that I was on the stage and I was high on life. I and I don't feel that anymore, but that may come back up again and continuously repair myself. You know, we talked to myself, and it's a journey and it's gonna keep on going every time I step into some discomfort run
 
 something new Yeah, that's what we're talking about. What the stretching you are, you are stretching so.
 
 Yeah, yes.
 
 Elevating and moving forward and it's and that's going to be a thing it's going to be but that that is a clean indicator that you are leveling up when you start to feel like you got to you got to stop and say you know what, I'm proud of you girl because you are you are moving to the next level. And it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to be safe. It's not okay to do is to is to give up on yourself right now. It's not okay to quit, is you have to, to believe in yourself enough to reward yourself with showing up. giving yourself the opportunity to take advantage of the opportunity. You know what I mean by that? That's what self love is all about. Is saying I am worthy. I am deserving of happiness. I am deserving of peace. I am deserving of being my true organic self. Yes. And I have worked so hard to establish that relationship that no other relationship in my life can come in between. You know what I mean?
 
 I think goosebumps.
 
 A lot of times no relationships in our lives, where they be and people don't intend to they don't need to, but I will tell you what people do. People will place their fears on you.
 
 Exactly. And I've had that they've turned me down. They've tried to tear me down.
 
 And they don't want to. They don't mean to and it's usually the people that are closest to you, especially the people in your family members. They come from where you come from so they don't expect the people around them to supersede what they have done too much. They don't expect you to step too far outside the box. They always say that apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's bull. Yeah, yes. Oh crap. This apple can fall as far as have desires to. It's up to you. You know? Yeah. 100% allow other people's expectation of you or their expectation of yourself to hinder your progression.
 
 And unfortunately, that is what people do, but the amount of people that have come to me that I'm supporting
 
 your ideas online. I feel you know, I had a friend, very, very close friend and it saddens me to think that she
 
 just couldn't see. And she said to me about my birth work she was shocked that I actually made money from coaching and breath work. And she's like, what, that was what I was charging $8 an hour now charge 220 And she was like, as long as you're gonna do this full time, as long as you can make money and eat feed your family. And I was just like, wow, first of all is a million dollar business industry and I'm helping people and she was like, aren't you drained? It's draining. Why would you want to do that? And it's like, wow.
 
 Like such a different perspective. You know?
 
 So, we talked about a guitar lesson that you will want. Okay, I have prayed. You know what, I appreciate you saying that. I love her. You have taught me so much more than these few little words and you have our entire relationship. See why you were here. Thank you. So you're gonna I tell people all the time you have to be you have to be grateful for Your blessing. People like that. You think the toughest times in our lives, have educated us 10 times. Days are the hardest people that we work around the toughest people, the people that we literally survive are the people that have imputed and taught us more than any of the quality relationships that we have. Even if they taught us more what not to do. Yes,
 
 yes.
 
 You've still given us a lesson. Yeah. And we have to make sure that we gain that lesson.
 
 Yeah. 100% 100%
 
 I love
 
 that. I'm proud of you. I'm super proud of you. Thank you. So consistent I love people that are consistent
 
 and also consistent. I love your wheels you're always been on about self love, you know only and they're always made me feel good
 
 you know, you look at you for messages. So if you haven't follow Donald Roberts if you have not already following him it's just at dawn owl and it's an underscore isn't it?
 
 Yeah, no, no underscore Roberts. Yeah.
 
 It's
 
 your it's very uplifting. And even though he says he's talking to men, you'll feel like he's talking to you because yeah, it's uplifting and there's always these beautiful reminders you know that you're always sharing I honestly appreciate our friendship. I'm so glad that we came into each other's you know, sphere, vortex, whatever
 
 it is strange. We're from completely different. Below globe, and I don't even know how it happened. But I'm grateful for it too. Yeah,
 
 I am too. And you said that one day might come to Australia.
 
 We gotta get there.
 
 Because I'd love to meet you in physical. Thank you so much. It's always a pleasure. I love chatting to
 
 you