Episode 28 - You Are Not Alone

In today's episode, we delve into the real-life experiences and challenges that come with relationships. 

Whether you're in a romantic partnership, a friendship, or any other type of relationship, it's normal to experience struggles from time to time. 

In this episode, I will be sharing my personal story of how I navigated through difficulties with my partner and family.

But that's not all! I'm also going to be talking about one specific thing that made a huge impact on our relationship and helped us overcome these struggles. 

This tool has been transformative for my family and I believe it has the potential to do the same for you. 

So, whether you're looking to strengthen your current relationship or just want to improve your communication skills, this episode is a must-listen!

So grab your headphones and get ready to learn, grow, and take your relationships to the next level. 

It's time to dive deep into the struggles of relationships and discover the one thing that can move us one step into the right direction.

Hope you enjoy!

Transcript

Hello beautiful soul. I'm Sarah Michaels and welcome to that Elated You podcast where we dive deep into the world of self discovery, growth and healing to find out who you truly are.
 
 I'm really feeling called to share with you guys a little bit of you know my backstory in terms of how alone I felt. And the reason why is because it's coming up a lot with my clients in you know my mentorship programs and in my spaces. And when I hear another woman, you know, breakdown about how things are going in her marriage and with her children and that frustration and that hitting your head against the wall thinking that you're alone and that you just really want to disappear. And when she hears another sister, talk into how she feels, and that she actually feels exactly the same. It's like such a relief and it's not a relief because you know that someone else is in pain. But it's a relief that you know that you're not alone.
 
 And this is the problem is that we have this misconception and I think it comes from childhood. I know mine comes from my upbringing, that you know, you don't air out your dirty laundry and you just keep your stuff to yourself. And that's just the way it is. And if you've got stuff going on at home with your husband, even your kids, you don't go out and tell anybody else you know, now I'm not saying that you need to go and publicize it and talk to everybody about it. But you know, there is an element of you know, when you share your story, and you your herd and your scene and you share it in safe spaces, or you around like minded women that can support you through that, then it's extremely important to know that you're not alone. And sometimes seeing a psychologist, you know, isn't isn't the right, you know, depends on who you're seeing. But that's not always the right solution. So, you know, I hear people saying, Oh, we saw a psychologist and she told my husband that maybe we should separate and live separately. And that was like the biggest mistake and that same thing has happened to us before a psychologist said when my son was born, that you know, maybe we should live separately for a little bit and have a break. And although that might sound good in hindsight, it was the worst thing that my husband could have ever done because he's now staying at his mom's and he's having a holiday because his mom, you know, takes full responsibility and would be cooking and doing the cleaning and he can come and go as he pleases. Meanwhile, he doesn't have any responsibility with the child or being a husband your home and then you're stuck at home with a kid and that did happen to me when my son was born. And it's something that could have really, really took us down the wrong path and ended up divorced 100%. And then we saw another psychologist who was more of a mindfulness coach who said that there is no plan and that was his that was his thing. He like actually said that there is no plan B because you'll find that you're gonna go with someone else and you'll go with someone else and you'll find something else. You know about them because we were just triggering each other. And you know, I'm going to do another podcast on triggers. But that was all that was happening is we were triggering each other's childhood wounds. Okay. So if I was in another relationship, the same thing was going to happen because Let's call a spade a spade. I had been in a lot of relationships and so had he and they weren't working out for the same reason. So, he said, You know, there's there is no plan B, which made me go what, you know, like, that sounded a bit odd for me. But it was the best thing that he could have ever said to us, and I'll never ever forget it. And if you work with me, or you've worked with me, you'll know that I never ever, ever suggest to any of my clients. That splitting is an option. I never do. Of course if they're in a very physical abusive or but I always ask them, I always send the boys the men if they're not seeing me to a men's coach, and I always try and work through with the woman but I never ever like that's never like my go to because that's that's just too easy right to go. Or maybe you don't mean to be that's just too easy and it's just a cop out. Obviously, you know, some people just can't make it work, but you've got to try you've got to, there are some things that you just need to like try before you before you just end things especially if there's children involved, you know, because sometimes even separately, you can still be really abusive to each other. And you know, use co parenting and things are still crap. So it's about you guys really healing those wounds and working through it and doing the work. And one of the things I remember him saying, nine years ago, this was the first time we heard about, obviously I know what gratitude is, but it was the first time I'd heard about actually practicing gratitude. And he'd come home, Zane was seeing this guy on his own at one stage and he came home and he said, you know, let's practice this. I've been doing it now on the shelf for the last two weeks and it's really works. You know, what are three things you're grateful for? And you know, I don't have any shame about this. I just wanted to share it so that if anyone's listening, and they feel this way, they know that I wasn't always like this. So I remember struggling to find one thing that I was grateful for.
 
 And that breaks my heart because my son was born. And all I ever wanted growing up was to have a child and I couldn't even find what I was grateful for.
 
 In that moment.
 
 I couldn't even be grateful that I was healthy, let alone you know that my parents were alive like my dad. was alive. I couldn't even be grateful for that. And the reason being is because I was in such a dark place.
 
 When things are really done.
 
 You can't see it a lot.
 
 And I'm crying because I've got a couple of clients that are going through this right now. And it's taken me back there to that girl who was so, so lost.
 
 And I never spoke to anyone.
 
 And I felt so alone and so ashamed.
 
 I want you to know that if you feel these, you're not alone. And you can work through it. And you can get through it.
 
 With the right people around you.
 
 With the right coaches and teachers around you.
 
 You don't need to stay that way. And it breaks my heart that I couldn't find one thing for a long time that I was grateful for.
 
 And now we practice gratitude at the dinner table. When I say now we've been doing that. I know since my daughter was maybe one and a half and she was just going at the table you know like she wasn't even speaking but we just like let her go through it, you know, and then she got to two. And she was trying to copy Marcel and she got to three she was still copying Marcel and it was really cute. My son who's you know, was 878 at the time. He's downtown. And you know, like she just kept copying him and then now it's like, we're like just find one thing that you guys are grateful for. And it gets to the point where I'm not joking. We actually have to say to them, okay, that's enough now. That's enough, because they start and they can't stop. Like I'm so grateful for the school. I'm so grateful for his food. Mommy's cooking grateful for Daddy being at home with us. I'm grateful for mommy and daddy. I'm grateful for having the best parents. I'm grateful for my life. I'm grateful for this house. I'm grateful. If we've got visitors like it, they just don't stop. You know, they just don't stop. And that is because we've taught them that. You know, and if you can take anything away from this podcast, it started with gratitude if you haven't already, and if you know people and if you have a family around you or you have children, get them into that like make this like a family tradition that you know they pass on to their families. And you know when we've got people over, you know, like, I've got people coming over tonight for dinner having burgers. And I know that when they come over, sometimes my kids would get funny like, Oh, why are we doing this in front of them? Like you know, used to get really my oldest eldest would get really shy. And I was I will just I own it. I'm like not I'll start first. I don't ask permission to ask for grace to ask for thank you to say thank you for what like what you're thankful and grateful for. Why should I? Why should I ask people permission? And so people just adapt. You're in my house. And so we do it and even if we're at someone else's house, I do it. I do. It because I'm not trying to put my religion or anything onto you or my beliefs. I think this is a really beautiful thing to teach your kids and if they don't other people's kids don't understand when I say grateful or gratitude. I just say what's something that you're thankful for? And you know what? The kids adapt so quickly. They don't even flinch. They're like that you invited me here for dinner. Like when my son has like playdates over. The kids love it. They're like, Oh, that you invited me here. And that you are they find one or two things very, very quickly. And then I'll go over to the parents and I'll say what about you and the parents as well. And I love that my husband just jumps on board too and we've been doing this for years that this is our norm because when you're in a state of gratitude, you can't be feeling angry. You can't be feeling resentment. And even though initially it might feel really hard to find something because you are in that dark place. Start with one thing start with something small and I promise you, I promise you from the bottom of my heart, you're going to feel better. You're going to start seeing the light very slowly but you will.
 
 Thanks for listening. If you found value in this content, please subscribe to my podcast and head over to Instagram at elated_you to see what I'm getting up to, bye